The Inescapable Post

…in which I explain why I’m a virgin.

In my previous blog post, I mentioned how not having sex is a choice I’ve made more due to the life I’ve lived than the religion I follow. I mean, yes, I’m a Christian, but I’m also not opposed to extra-marital sex, mainly because…well, that might be a post for another day. Suffice it to say that, while it did in my childhood, religion doesn’t have much to do with my choice to abstain nowadays.

No, my reasons are more based on life experiences…most prominently, the experience of living in a single-parent home. I’m certain you can guess that my father wasn’t present, but it goes a little deeper than that. I was raised by my mother and older sister, and while we were never homeless, we did struggle quite a bit. I watched her get up every morning and drive a literal hour away to a job that probably didn’t pay well (I never asked) just to keep us afloat. I watched my sister get into angsty teenage shenanigans, and later came to realize that the lack of a strong male figure probably had some sort of affect on her, just like it did myself. When we moved to where our extended family lived while I was in middle school, I started seeing more things involving young girls and young boys who weren’t ready for the consequences of their actions, and seeing the girl forced to take responsibility for it alone.

It was about in high school, after seeing this multiple times, that I decided that I would never do that, I would never lay with a girl if I wasn’t ready for the consequences of what might happen. I would never force someone to go through what my mom went through. I would never let a kid that I helped create be part of the 2/3 of all black kids who grow up in single-parent homes (not without first trying to raise them together, at least). It was a decision I stuck by through high school, but it began looking like a harsh decision in college. After all, those kids in high school didn’t know what they were doing, surely adults are much more mature and responsible about these things? That’s what I began to believe…until the same thing happened to a very close family member. One single night resulted in a(n incredibly awesome) child raised without a father, and my decision was reaffirmed. I refuse to be that guy. I will not lay with any woman unless I was confident that I wouldn’t leave her should something happen.

And I haven’t yet.

That’s my specific reason for remaining a virgin today. But even now, that decision is still fading. Most prominently, my mother professed to me three years ago after I first met my father that I was not, as I understandably assumed, an accidental child (despite the fact that the first time my father ever laid eyes on me was in 2011). This news alone was enough for me to re-evaluate what I thought I knew about myself. Added to that the fact that I took a college Human Sexuality course, that I’ve seen long-term sexual relations go on and on with no children, and that my body keeps crying out to me, “Fuck someone!” and I’m starting to become open to the idea of removing my strict stipulations on sex.

But not too much, because while I don’t need to be married to do it for the first time, I still want it to be with someone I truly, deeply care for. I’ve heard plenty of testimonials from close friends about how they wished they could share their first time with the ones they really loved, and I want that, too. Whoever ends up being my first time, I want them to know that I didn’t give up my virginity to just any girl.  Us virgins (both male and female) are a rare breed, and when I give up my virginity to someone, even if we aren’t married, she’ll know that she’s worthy of it.


The Myth, The Legend…The Male Virgin

Hi, there. My name is George, and I don’t exist.

I am a mythical creature, something Luna Lovegood might have mentioned in one of her ramblings. In our society, I am a fallacy, a creature so rare that the media will insist that there is no possible way I can be real.

If you met me on the street, you’d never know I was anything out of the ordinary.  After all, I am a 27-year-old African-American male, and surely you wouldn’t have any trouble finding a few more of those, right? Probably not. The question is, how many of them do you think would be virgins?

Unless you know me personally, your hunt just got a little more difficult.

According to society, if you’re a guy in America who has reached the legal driving age, you aren’t a virgin, plain and simple. If you say you’re a virgin, you’re lying. If you really have gone this long without having sex, it’s for one of exactly two reasons–you’re either deeply religious and are “saving” yourself for marriage, or you’re so completely socially awkward that you’ve never talked to a single girl beyond your mother (and probably live in her basement). Basically, you’re either Kirk Cameron, or you look like this. There is no other reason for a man to be a virgin before graduating high school.

Problem is, just like every other demographic of humanity, virgins can’t be so easily pigeonholed.  Despite society’s tired rhetoric about all guys having sex by senior prom, there are millions of us adult male virgins, and there are a million different reasons we haven’t had sex–some just haven’t found the right one, others really are waiting for marriage; some don’t care all that much about it, and others still simply aren’t sexual creatures at all. Whatever the reason, the truth is that we exist, and we aren’t the sad shell of a man that society makes us out to be.

As for me, abstaining from sex is a personal choice, and while I am a religious man, my Christianity doesn’t actually inform my reasoning. Suffice it to say that I’m not a hermit, nor am I a woman-hater, nor am I saving myself for marriage. I’ve just lived the sort of life that makes holding off on sex a no-brainer.  And for the record, this is what I look like:

Standin' There Lookin' Coo'! 2

In The Stratosphere Parking Garage

Another Brick In The Wall

RMNP - Near The Top Of The World


This blog is about my sexuality. It’s about what I think about sex, why I haven’t had it, and how it affects my perspective on the world. It’s about what it’s like to be an adult male virgin in a society that insists that it is wrong to be an adult male virgin. Over and over, I’m bombarded with messages telling me that I should be having sex with every girl I see, and that my masculinity is directly tied to how many women I’ve screwed. I’m constantly reminded by Hollywood that being a virgin at my age means I’ve done something wrong, or that something is wrong with me, and I should fix it as soon as possible…and if I don’t, then I’m not really a man. These messages help cement a twisted stereotype of male virginity–maladjusted guys who define themselves by their lack of experience, who fervently trying to lose their v-card, sometimes going crazy from the pursuit, who hate women for not wanting them, and who hate themselves for not succeeding. There certainly are guys who feel that way, sure, but male virgins aren’t at all confined to that narrow definition.

That’s where I stand, at least. I’d much rather be defined by my love of traveling, music, movies, food, writing, or even video games than the number of sexual partners I have (and yes, I realize that starting a blog about being a male virgin is counterproductive to that stance, but again, that’s just one minor aspect of who I am), and I’m certain that I’m not alone in that sentiment.

I’m going to try and avoid generalizing virgins here–we get enough of that as it is. There are millions of us, and I can’t speak for all of them. I’m not looking for sympathy or support, because I don’t think my virginity has lessened my general satisfaction of life, though I do aim to change what the public thinks about male virgins. And I’m certainly not going to shame anyone, male or female, who is sexually active (actually, I’m all for it, but that’s an opinion for a different day).  This is simply the writings of one virgin living in a world that is convinced he doesn’t exist.

I do. And I’m pretty happy about it, too.